Three days now I have both participated in and attended SPAA meetings. Got a question for you, reader? Did you believe I would write every other Friday, like I said I would? I did. I broke my own word to myself, and so what that I did? Actons count, not words. Not to say that words should not count, but my experience is the ideal of having concord between words and deeds is an ideal often mis-stepped.
The SPAA meetings are pumping hope into my soul, I say. Guys have one year, three years, five and ten years of porn sobriety through the working of the 12 Steps of AA, modified to fit the porn addict condition.
I am just going to keep on talking about what comes to mind, brothers and sisters.
Just as a farmer cannot grow corn without getting dirt soiled hands, perhaps none of us, especially those of us with devastingly destructive addictions, can bear the burdens of existence without some or other manner of addiction or compulsion. However, my porn addiction, I am beginning to believe can be arrested with SPAA fellowship and the working of the 12 Steps.
By placing this post on the world wide web, my hope is this sunlight of transparency so shining onto this most secretive of addicttions will help to dry it out of my life.
It contaminates my relationship with Jesus Christ. Immediately, the Accuser asserts "You are a fake Christian." I reply as Franklin Delano Roosevelt proclaimed, "The only thing to fear is fear itself!"
"Scared kid" is the name I call my part that seeks and pursues pornographic ejaculations. I grew up in a house ruled by shame and fear, and trace the roots of this addiction to that household.
My responsability is to repair the wreckage of my car no matter who or what wrecked it.
I am going into an unknown world, folks. Pray for me, as I do for myself, to have the courage needed for the journey.
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