Been finding
that the System holds water. Been finding the brothers are dead serious about
navigating the currents, the ebb and flow of the river that leads to
regenerated life.
That I too
can fly like an eagle, that the pain of the wound feeling unendurable I can
endure. I did not go mad when the manic upheaval was prompting to that escape.
I gripped the marble of the lars god and held tight for the dear and sweet
savor of life.
I am a porn addict.
My addiction thrives in the dark, and I am done with it.
In the
writing of these posts, I cast the light that exposes what needs and wants the
secrecy. Without the secrecy, the addiction cannot do what it lives to do.
Dear reader,
please, read no further if your sensibilities might feel offended by the
explicitness that adherence to honesty requires. I will slip. I will relapse
and I will report in these posts when I have slipped and when I have relapsed.
I will analyze
to the best ability what contributed, where I was taking mistaken steps, what
weaknesses of character were aiding and abetting. And each time I fall, I will
arise stronger than before, more educated, more savvy about the red flags and
mirages in the desert that are just not real.
I am 72
years old. I have been habitually masturbating to pornography for 50 years. I got to be frank about this to you.
I am not
only a sex and porn addict. I am also a food addict, a drug addict, and an alcoholic.
And this addiction to pornography has by hand over fist been fifty times the
rascal to arrest and throw into jail than the other three.
I intend to
keep on writing in this vein twice a month until the day comes when the monster
of lies has evaporated into nothing. Until, to put it the way the mentor put it….
the child just no longer wets his bed.
I found out
something fairly recently. Experienced its truth. The call of that huffing and
puffing titillation of craving for the dopamine release of an ejaculation was
front and center, and I was wavering. But this time, I did not resist its
power. I welcomed its power. I directed its energy into drive to do something
else. I don’t remember what that something else was right now, but you would
make a good bet to wager it was into some manner of creativity.
No kidding, this
whole deal is a mystical process. The gods are saying among themselves, as the
author of the book about the “Law of Life” might write; ‘We see that man. Never
does he quit his fight; we see the greatness of his need. We therefore decide
to fill the potholes in the path upon which he is undertaking his journey.’
It wasn’t
coincidence, I claim to you all reading these words now. The money that I did
not have to publish my second poetry book arrived at about the same time as when
the book itself was ready for publication!! (thanks to a USA government covid
payment)
