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Is Any or All of This for You?

  Been going to the SPAA meetings less, now only on Mondays and Thursdays. I pushed myself away from attending daily meetings in order to distance myself from listening to litanies of depressing shares I often encounter in the meetings. But the two days of meetings capture my interest and convince   me to share more often and more willingly. Despite the above sentiment, I find a tiny glimmer of light in the pitch-black cavern of despair about addiction to pornography, because that glimmer is what SPAA offers to its members. Hope. As of this publication date, I have 200 days of back-to-back SPAA defined sobriety, a gift of this hope; That definition is no viewing of pornography, no masturbation and no sex outside of a committed relationship. Here is a Doctor's opinion about the SPAA program of recovery. I offer two major highlights to stress what I find prospers my recovery from my sex and porn addiction. One is to work the 12 Steps, this post about Steps One through ...
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Acceptance

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Written in my emergency write out journal some four hours ago. I accept I am single and I accept that my single status is only going to change by a miracle. Even though I do believe in miracles, as my recovering from my assortment of addictions so attests, miracles are extremely rare. I am 99 and 9/10 percent likely to remain single for the remainder of my life. I accept these odds as part of the way life is for me and thus decide not to give a hoot about it. As I am a believer in Christ Jesus, I will carry this most heavy cross as did He carry His.   I also know I will choose to continue to torment myself about sex, love and marriage, etc, and my single status. I know I will never have peace about it as well. I accept this self tortured me that I am as well.  As a result, I now choose to cease any and all further searching to find a woman with whom to have a committed romantic relationship.  Postscript: After having written the above, the accepting , I find a pea...
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The Judgement Blog

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The font of this post emerges from my readings of the book "Constantine's Sword, The Church and the Jews, A History." by James Carroll.  As such, Christians and Jews, I judge them as I do myself, who being both Christian by selection and Jew by blood, claim entitlement to do so. To a higher standard towards those Chosen, as opposed to the lesser standard I use to judge the heathen. These pagans sin unwittingly as by their un-born again nature they miss the mark by the spiritually blind and deaf being of nature itself.  But as the religious Jew lives and breathes by adherence to the Law, and lives by its Talmudic interpretations, yet confused, yet transgressing that same, to him, to myself, I judge condemned to helpless need of a Messiah. As the Christian Churches claims salvation through this same Messiah, yet still occurred millennia of pograms up until occurred the Nazi Holocaust besmirches the gospel books themselves. The Jews killed Jesus, are Gentiles not inculcated...
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