Acceptance

Written in my emergency write out journal some four hours ago.

I accept I am single and I accept that my single status is only going to change by a miracle.

Even though I do believe in miracles, as my recovering from my assortment of addictions so attests, miracles are extremely rare. I am 99 and 9/10 percent likely to remain single for the remainder of my life.

I accept these odds as part of the way life is for me and thus decide not to give a hoot about it. As I am a believer in Christ Jesus, I will carry this most heavy cross as did He carry His.  

I also know I will choose to continue to torment myself about sex, love and marriage, etc, and my single status. I know I will never have peace about it as well. I accept this self tortured me that I am as well. 

As a result, I now choose to cease any and all further searching to find a woman with whom to have a committed romantic relationship. 

Postscript: After having written the above, the accepting, I find a peace within myself about my single status that is even now running deep within  my soul.