Love Is...First

 

I hugged a tree today, heartily…needfully to draw upon the energy of its very sap. I acknowledged the sight of the tree in my eyes, and reflected. This tree was born years before my own birth, and will be alive years after my own death. I reflected upon my family tree. The storm thrashed winds of time in crisis toss wild the branches. The roots hold steadfast.

I grounded myself today. I acknowledged sights, a kite, a bench, a tree, a dog. I acknowledged the touch of the felt in my hat, the paper in my hand, the grass, the leather. The sounds of the distant tractor, the wind over my ear, the movement of tree branches, I acknowledged. The smell of the grass, I acknowledged.

I felt the sting of the pang of need in me, and welcomed its discomfort. I let it go, like dropping a ball. Repeatedly, I dropped the sting of the pang until it diminished. It did diminish.

Where the pang hurt in my stomach, I caressed there with my hand gently, whispering to myself  “I love you Michael. Without condition, I love you."

Today I loved myself in Parque Paraiso.

I became equal, no better, no worse.

I fulfilled a prerequisite; I MUST love myself first before I can truly love anybody else.