Me Speaking: The Rotten Fruit of Mindless Scrolling

Me Speaking: The Rotten Fruit of Mindless Scrolling: The Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous (SPAA) definition of acting out is: viewing pornography, masturbating, and having sex outside of a comm...

The Rotten Fruit of Mindless Scrolling

The Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous (SPAA) definition of acting out is: viewing pornography, masturbating, and having sex outside of a committed relationship. 

The major culprit that entices to acting out? Edging! (SPAA's Edging Definition) 

What's related to edging? Mindless scrolling. (I just got done doing an hour of it.) It's family to edging. It's why I've started counting my scroll free days. (0 days now) News stories, movie scenes, Ted talks etc....you, glad to have reader, if you're like me, know what happens when you go online and start scrolling without purpose. I go on and on and on in a type of rapture. Time vanishes. The mini-skirted girls appear walking in Manchester and I oh "so accidently" start watching the Bangkok street girls parading at night, at times for hours. My brain and body get injected with the dopamine that never supplies me with enough. All the while, being online itself pumps dopamine into my system. That's why I detoxify. I follow the following personal rule fairly well because doing so relaxes me. All cellphones and computers! Shut off after 9:15 pm daily!

It has been said that the medium is the message. The being online message says "feel good now, you need to be online now as now is all you've got." Like all stealthy lies, that's  partly true as now IS all we've got.

These unhealthy dopamine levels start begging me to watch porn and masturbate until either I do or don't. (I did four months ago, before that, nine months ago.)

When I started in SPAA a little over three years ago, if I did look at  porn, I reasoned, since I broke my abstinence definition anyway, I might as well go on and masturbate until ejaculation. When I did do that (because of lonliness, stress, boredom etc) the depression and despair afterwards were almost always so severe --- only another round of acting out would  momentarily relieve me of the depression and despair itself. Talk about a vicious circle!

So, in my book, the scrolling has got to stop as  much as does the edging.

Daily attendance at SPAA's meetings also are a virtually irrevocable personal rule. I am willing, although often not wanting, to go ---  to any length to keep myself unchained from the slavery of my addiction to sex and pornography.